Can they make my Sandal into a Jack Boot?

Yes, they can!! Straight from the 700 Club come J.J. Boots. (Jesus Jack Boots) Colors range from red, white or blue and your choice of over 100 passages from Leviticus or Deuteronomy embroidered on the straps. (Straps can be loosened for corporal mortification) On the soles of your J.J. Boots you get holy-tread with an artistic interpretation of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez holding a Koran. Supplies are limited and selection depends on your born again status (50% off - if you are holding public office- we will cross-reference your name with our national database and expansive voting counter). The J.J. Boots are stylish and well constructed (made in China), additionally all petroleum products, which were used in the construction, come from Lake Maracaibo. If you act now the first 500 lucky souls will have their J.J. Boots signed by Tony Perkins himself!!*

*If you are secularist, humanist, atheist, Muslim, Mormon, Catholic, Jew, free-thinker or if you read books over 100 pages a fee is applied to all orders (additional 200%) and correct sizes can not be guaranteed. Please send all monies to the care of the 700 club. Remember only you; marching in lock step with your J.J. Boots can prevent communist infiltration.